Still I Rise

This year of our Lord COVID19 (next year is 2020 as far as I’m concerned) has been a total wash in so many ways. I know we’re all over it – from masking up, to quarantining, to the deaths and continued oppression and demonization of Black people, to protests – I’m all the way over it. For those of you who listened to our Vision Board episode over on our MDFeme podcast you know we feel you on this 2020 Vision Board thing. When it comes to goals and plans for THIS year - WTF are those??? But does the whole year have to be a total write off?

Personally, this year of COVID19 has been a year of loss, change, and health scares. I’ve taken care of critically ill COVID patients and their families, and am pretty sure I have some PTSD from that. My family lost our elder maternal figure and I wasn’t able to physically be there for them (thanks again COVID19). In the change category I’ve vowed to have more confidence in myself and my abilities - fake it ‘til you make it! – and to empower the women around me. In the last month I’ve moved to a place I’ve only been to once before for a 24H period, where I know literally no one, and I’ve started a new job. And the health scares? Yeah, I don’t know you like that!

In the process of the move I threw away my “2020 Vision” list – yes, on purpose but not because I hadn’t accomplished any of them (finding a job, finding a new place, moving, and saving a certain amount of money were just some of the goals I was able to check off the list before the half-way point of the year). But I knew that I would likely be re-drafting that list once I settled in and got a lay of the land.

I’ve been blessed with a lot of free time during this transition period and after getting over the initial guilty feelings I had for NOT studying or “being productive” (yeah, the first 2 weeks were spent praying, getting my place set up, watching Netflix, reading a non-medical book, catching up with family/friends, and scrolling through IG and Twitter – don’t judge me), my brain drifted into the clouds. I began thinking about all the things I want to do. It started with the usual stuff – pay off the credit cards, help out my parents, put money on my loans, purchase a new vehicle, work out – responsible stuff. Then things started to really open up and it has blossomed into so much more. I’ve discovered, uncovered, and recovered passions I had been suppressing or neglecting for the sake of training. Just thinking about them as I write this fills me with excited trepidation. I’m standing on the precipice and I see all that still lies before me in this year of COVID19.

So today I rewrote my list of goals that I will work towards achieving for the last 4 (yes FOUR) months of the year. I know already that some I’ll be able to accomplish relatively quickly, some are stepping stones to something greater, and some are wild and super out there and will very likely get pushed forward into next year (you know, when 2020 actually starts). The first and most important thing is that I am not letting COVID19 stomp out my vision. I still have eyes in my head, breath in my body, my brain, and a beating heart. From the smoldering embers of this dumpster fire year, I’m pulling some coals to light the fire under my own ass and get sh*t done.